I Think I Believe in Love Again

You know those moments in life where you thread the line between being a faggot and full blown homosexual. Like when you be asking your self, "do I love this foid". What is love even, maybe its just some shit u say when ur rubbin inside a foid to try to get that extra giga pump in, or just to hear her loop it back to you. Either way I just got back to California, and I'm still tryna wrap my head around wtf just happened.

So for the last 6 months or so, I guess you could say I was kinda dating this Japanese foid. I've honestly lost the god damn plot, idk what dating or love even really means anymore. But I was living with this foid for like the last 3 months full time basically. I remember when I first laid eyes on my queen. It was ETH Tokyo 2025, I had just finished giving a talk on privacy or cryptography or something at the UN University thing in Shibuya. Im on the second floor, right under the escalator listening to some faggot shill me some zk larp (I had to be nice cause I didn't wanna make my friend, who invited me to speak, look bad).. And I see this foid come down the escalator. I can still picture her face in that purple dress. We made eye contact for a second, but she (I asked later) didn't remember this. Her face swooned my ass on the spot. She had beautiful almond round Anime eyes, high cheek bones, classic Japanese girl forehead and hair (like that Fei Valentine shit from Cowboy Bebop or more like Boa Hancock). I could tell she was wearing some sort of make up on her face, which was a give away she wasn't like young young. But thanks to that one zk faggot tryna shill me an airdrop, or a job or some faggotry I lost my chance to see if this foid spoke enough english for me to attempt any sort of game. (my Japanese is like an illiterate 3 year old thats lowkey retarded)

Anyways later that night I end up going to some random Speaker dinner type shit.. And I see her again. Same purple dress, same princess eyes/face. She's talking to some old Jichan and I'm like "for the love of god give me an opening".. Eventually a foids gotta eat so she walked over to the food area. I walked over to her asap rocky, tryna think of some clever shit to say. Best I could come up with was "hey do you know wtf this yellow thing is?" She laughed, and I took my opening. After about 5 minutes I swear I was asking her how many kids she wanted. I told her I wanted 4 but we could meet in the middle and have 3. I tried to get her to come to Womb (Shibuya club) but she was not about it. But over the next week we ended up going out a few times and we got to know each other before I left for Busan. I swear at first, I was entirely attracted to her face (i guess he was p skinny too) but once I realized she had them おっぱい like that, it was jover for our boy. I didn't realize at first because she dressed so conservatively.

Fast forward to after Token SG and I'm in Koh Phangan with my boy. I think I needed to head back to the Americas before Buenos Aries, so I texted her and wanted to see if I could crash with her for a few days in Tokyo before heading home. So I booked a one way ticket to Nartita as soon as she said she was free. I remember buying her a little novelty turtle ring right before I went to the airport and proposed to her when I landed in Tokyo. I mean it was a joke, but technically I did propose with a ring on one knee haha. But I left on her birthday and had my second Argentina arc for a bit, then holidays back in Cali. As soon as I finished my obligations and shit, I booked it back to Narita. My uncle was in town with his son for new years Eve, so we celebrated New Years with my foid. Was pretty funny actually, usually I don't introduce my family to a foid. So then we live together for about 3 months and life was honestly maybe the best its ever been for me. I feel so taken care of, shes like a proper Kyushu girl. Very humble, hardworking and respectful. She knows when to speak, when not to, how to speak. She really understood my autism and my serious but goofy way of looking at life and playing the character that is me. I've dated other Japanese foids before, but she was the first one who was really trying to help me improve my ability to speak. I mean I could go on and on but the tldr is that I really loved her personality. It sounds gay but I could feel myself becoming a better version of myself in some ways.

So you might be asking ur self, Taproot what are doing.. Go date her. Well the issue is she's older than me and is at a point in her life where I think she needs to be more serious about finding a partner.. Classic shit. Trust me, I offered to have a kid with her and provide some Yen but she wants someone to commit to seeing the kid often and being an 'actual parent'.. Whatever the fuck that means. So we decided to end things, I mean I think it would've been selfish on my end to pretend I could be something I didn't want to be just so that I could enjoy her presence in my life for just a bit longer. I was honest from the start, and I think deep down we both always knew this couldn't be real. And the weird thing is, I always knew that but I still feel that weird pit feeling in my stomach when I think about it too hard. She's honestly the only girl in my life I've actually ended things with, that I still wanted to be with. Like other girls were either not attractive enough, too annoying, too unstable, too stupid, too run through, meh personality, too high body count, or fucked a *you know who* type dude haha. I mean most short terms whatever the fuck this was (i think situationship is whore cope, is basically just FWB) usually end cuz the foid is just mid. Like yeah the bar is a lot lower for a short term foid. Im rambling, but basically other than my one ex (i still think about her) every foid I've walked away feeling very fine. But this girl was different honestly, like I actually think if we were the same age, I would honest to god consider marrying her. And I still think the concept of marriage is retarded and generally a gay psyop. But at the least, I would try to build a life with her and our kids.. In theory. It made me realize that there is a version of a foid that I would actually commit to I think (maybe I'm being retarded).

But yeah so as I leave Tokyo, I'm on this giga long flight to Paris. My ass is zooted as fuck, may or may not have had half a Thai Bar in me.. So my anxiety level was basically near zero. The folks next to me are asleep and I'm like, "Why not watch the Notebook".. Idk maybe im a faggot but i never seen it before and i didn't feel like watching Transformers Age of Extinction for the 5th time in 2 years. Fam, that shit had be bawling like an actual faggot on god. Idk I was just kinda moved by the devotion of the plot. So there I am sitting on this plane leaving the girl I think I might love, going to Europe to aura farm, and I'm just contemplating life.

Before you say it, yes trust me, there's a part of me that actually wants to book a flight to Tokyo right now and tell her that I'm willing to change my planned life trajectory. Sometimes I think maybe i just need to foid max.. You know try to find a hotter younger foid (if i can maybe this is cope kek) but then idk u goon max and then ur left there thinking about the foid you actually like. The one you enjoy doing faggot shit like groceries or some shit ppl always point too when they are in the honeymoon phase of some bullshit. I'm probably romanticizing shit in my head, but hey like I said I'm probably a faggot. But all in all, was a great fucking arc. I'm thankful I got to spend time with her, and honestly I think she made me realize that there is a part of me at least that is open to not jester goon maxing all the time w foids. If you ever read this, えま.